how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
