Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
