Sry I called you an 8
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
