Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
