I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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