well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
