i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
