Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
