4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
