Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My breasts were aching with rage.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
