she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
