It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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