i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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