I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
