You can't special order awesome
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
