He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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