Did you just see the Batmobile???
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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