They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
