I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I had to cum in my sink.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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