dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
