I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
