Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
