my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
