i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
