she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
