is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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