we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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