And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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