Need sex. Gaining weight.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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