My first STD was from a foam party
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
