Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
