Im at strip club and am horny
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
