Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
