Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
