i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
