So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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