after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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