A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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