whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
