Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
