Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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