living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
