I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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