Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
