im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
