i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
