Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Randomize
