WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
