i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
