Your tits are I can't wait for
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
