we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
