I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
