Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
