The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
