bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
