hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
