why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
